Forgiveness

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=90 BGCOLOR="#000066" TEXT="#F7F7FF" bgproperties="fixed" background="1b9005a3.jpg"> <div> <FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#FFCC00" FACE="Arial" >Living Hope Christian Fellowship</FONT>     |     <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Living Hope Christian Fellowship"><B>Home</B></A></div> <div> Back to  <A HREF="christian_growth.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Walking With God"><B>Walking With God</B></A></div> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" width=160 BGCOLOR="#000066" TEXT="#F7F7FF" bgproperties="fixed" background="32ac8043.jpg"> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="0" WIDTH="135" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#000066" BORDERCOLORDARK="#FFCC00" FRAME="ABOVE" RULES="NONE" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" BGCOLOR=#FFFFFF > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP BGCOLOR=#FFCC00 HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="131"><div> <B>Bible Studies:</B></div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <div> <A HREF="prayer5d.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Prayer">Prayer</A></div> <div> <A HREF="giving_thanks.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Giving Thanks for What the Lord is Doing">Giving Thanks</A></div> <div> <A HREF="key_of_togetherness.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Key of Togetherness">Key of Togetherness</A></div> <div> <B>Forgiveness</B></div> <div> <A HREF="integrity.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Integrity">Integrity</A></div> <div> <A HREF="patience.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Patience (James 5:712)">Patience</A></div> <div> <A HREF="finding_meaning.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Finding Meaning in a Commuter Church">Finding Meaning</A></div> <div> <A HREF="experience_prayer.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="My Experience with Prayer">Experience Prayer</A></div> <div> <A HREF="preaching.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Preaching Is Also in the Listening">Preaching</A></div> <div> <A HREF="trust.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Matter of Trust">Trust</A></div> <div> <A HREF="words.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Words Are Like Seeds">Words</A></div> <bR> </td> <td valign="top" height=390 width="100%" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="32b00042egerdp.jpg"> <div> <I><B>Forgiveness</B></I></div> <div> <TABLE BORDER="1" CELLPADDING="0" CELLSPACING="0" WIDTH="598" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#000066" BORDERCOLORDARK="#FFFFFF" FRAME="BELOW" RULES="ROWS" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 3150 WIDTH="598"><div> <IMG SRC="168fabc0.jpg" border=0 width="250" height="188" ALIGN="RIGHT" HSPACE="3" VSPACE="0"><I>by Luciano Cozzi</I></div> <hr> <bR> <div> Perhaps the best way to start our study on forgiveness is to stop right here and think. Yes, even before we begin. Let's pause for a few minutes and think together. Can you claim to be sinless, having never done anything wrong? (Read Romans 3:9-18 before you answer.)</div> <bR> <div> Indeed, we are all sinners, and we have all rebelled against God in one way or another. Now, what are the consequences of our sins? (Read Romans 6:21-23 before you answer, especially the first part of v. 23.) </div> <bR> <div> In our sins, we have no hope. We are doomed. Yet, despite our rebellion, while we are still His enemies, God gives us hope. Let's read it together in Galatians 1:4, “[Jesus] gave Himself for our sins, that He might deliver us out of this present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father,” and in Romans 5:8-10, “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him. For if while we were enemies, we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life.” <FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" >NASB</FONT></div> <bR> <div> Please, take a moment and really think about this. Jesus is the Logos of John 1:1, the one who created all things, and without whom none of the things that were created was ever made. He was God in the flesh, the owner of all and Lord of all, the Almighty, the Righteous One, in Whom there is no sin. He gave His life for you, so you can be forgiven for your sins. He had all the power in the universe, for He created it all, and yet He allowed some people to raise their hand against Him to scourge Him and then to nail Him to a cross so He could experience death in your place and mine. While His body was overwhelmed by agonizing pain, struggling between the excruciating pain and the need to breathe, He gathered all His strength, pulled up His body against the nails and said, “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:33-34 <FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" >NASB</FONT>)</div> <bR> <div> What an amazing grace! What an awesome and moving love! In all His greatness and glory God loved you so much that He was willing to subject Himself to such agony and pain and suffer for you individually! How moving to realize the power of His will in all this. In His amazing love and grace, we find forgiveness, comfort and help. It is a forgiveness we gladly accept, that transforms us from the heart because it is so immense. Oh, how willing we are to accept this demonstration of His love. But then His words shake us and challenge us, for He inspired the apostle Peter to write,</div> <bR> <div> “For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps, who committed no sin, nor was any deceit found in His mouth; and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously; and He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed.” (1 Peter 2:21-24 <FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" >NASB</FONT>)</div> <bR> <div> Yes, you read it right. He left an example for us so that we could follow in His footsteps. And yes, that means that we should be willing to forgive others even when it hurts us, just as He did.</div> <bR> <div> In Matthew 6:14-15, Jesus gives us a startling warning as He says, "For if you forgive men for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.” Jesus stated it very clearly. If we refuse to forgive others, He will also refuse to forgive us. This does not mean that we can earn our forgiveness by our own actions by forgiving others. What it means is that we must realize that we are all equally sinners in need of His forgiveness. The parable of the unforgiving debtor in Matthew 18:21-35 explains this very well. The principle is also clearly expressed in Ephesians 4:32. As Christ has forgiven us, so we should also forgive one another. (We strongly recommend that you pause here and take the time to read these passages and prayerfully meditate on them.)</div> <bR> <div> Forgiveness never comes easy. After all, if it were, then we probably wouldn't have anything to forgive. It was not easy for Jesus, and it is not easy for us. Yet, contrary to what at times we are tempted to think, we <I>can</I> forgive. Let me share with you two examples: one is from Scripture, the other from a real event of our days.</div> <bR> <div> <B>The example of Stephen</B></div> <div> Stephen was one of the seven deacons who had been charged with the distribution of food to the widows of the early church, and a preacher who testified of the messiahship of Jesus before the Hebrews. He was a powerful speaker, and having been confronted in the Temple by groups antagonistic to Christianity, Stephen responded clearly and convincingly. Accused of heresy, Stephen offered a testimony for His faith, aware that his words would lead to his condemnation to death. Before Stephen was stoned, his clothes were placed at the feet of a young man named Saul of Tarsus, a gesture indicating a leading role in the accusation of Stephen. Then, while he was still speaking, the Jews began casting stones and rocks at him. Aware of the forgiveness he himself had received from the Lord, and of the suffering Jesus had been willing to endure for him, Stephen understood the need for young Saul and the other Jews to be forgiven. His last words resembled very closely the words of Jesus on the cross, and must have left a deep, profound impression in the heart of Saul. You can read them in Acts 7:60, “And falling on his knees, he cried out with a loud voice, 'Lord, do not hold this sin against them!' And having said this, he fell asleep [died].”</div> <bR> <div> The first, the example of Stephen, leaves us with important questions about our faith and our appreciation for the sacrifice of Jesus for our forgiveness. How far are we willing to go for Jesus? Are we willing to forgive those who abuse us and take our life unjustly as Stephen did? Can we forgive as he did? The answer is <I>yes</I>. He was a person, just like you and I are. He had his own shortcomings and strengths, just like us. But he was also deeply, profoundly affected by the truth of the sacrifice of Jesus. Lead by the Spirit of God, he was able to follow His example and to forgive even his enemies. You and I can, too. If God instructs us to forgive – and He does – then it means that we <I>can</I> forgive, and that He will provide for us the ability to do just that.</div> <bR> <div> <B>A modern day example</B></div> <div> In June 1973, Marietta, a homemaker from Detroit and her husband Bill, took their five children to Three Forks, Montana for a vacation. Their last night at that camp, in the middle of the night, Susy, their little 7 year old daughter was abducted from her tent. </div> <bR> <div> Marietta's initial numbness and denial were soon replaced by the realization that something really terrible had happened. Desperation ensued and while the days were filled with a sense of helplessness, the nights for Marietta became filled with anguish and nightmares about Susy's pain and fear.  As the days went by, Marietta became more and more affected, to the point when all she could feel was profound anger and hatred against the kidnapper.  One night, after a long struggle between her rage and hatred and her religious faith, Marietta realized that her resentment would eventually destroy her and her family if she let them. Drawing strength from her faith, she reached a decision and made a commitment to “work toward an attitude of forgiveness,” as she later stated. She did, and began to also pray for the kidnapper. After five weeks of fruitless searches, Marietta and her family had nothing left to do besides going home.</div> <bR> <div> On the first anniversary of Susy's disappearance, at the same time of the night, Marietta received a disturbing call from the kidnapper. He introduced himself as the one who had taken Susy away from her family, and began almost toying with Marietta about the whole event. While on the phone, Marietta managed to remain calm and in control, and was able to keep the kidnapper talking for over an hour. Early in the conversation, Marietta asked him, “What can we do to help you?” and told the man on the other end of the line that she had been praying for him since the day he took her daughter.  </div> <bR> <div> The man was later identified as 25 year old David Mayerhoffer; however, the FBI did not have sufficient evidence to incriminate him. They believed that only one thing could resolve the case: a strong female confronting him with his crime. So, the FBI asked Marietta if she was willing to go to Montana to confront him. I can hardly imagine what it must have been like to go to confront in person, face to face, the very man who had kidnapped my daughter. Marietta agreed and did so. Although in the conversation David did not incriminate himself, he was now shaken and scared. Not too long after their encounter, David made another call to Marietta in the attempt to divert the investigation, and told Marietta that she would never see her daughter alive again. He was eventually arrested, and shortly after he confessed each crime he had committed, showing no apparent emotion. After his confession, David committed suicide in his prison cell.</div> <bR> <div> Although David had abducted, abused and murdered her daughter, and had even tormented her with those phone calls, Marietta was still able to forgive him. How could that be? During an interview, Marietta stated, “It is not that forgiveness means condoning what happened. I will never condone what happened to my little girl. And it doesn't mean that I forget it, because I can never forget what happened to my little girl. It is precisely in fact that you can't forget that you have to forgive so that it doesn't do you in.”  Marietta forgave David, but did not do so blindly. She did it fully aware of what David had done. She did not just forgive, she also reached out to his mother Eleanore, went to his grave to bring flowers there together with Eleanore and provided comfort to her in her grief. According to Eleanore, at a time when nobody wanted to talk about her son and what he had done, Marietta was the only one that had reached out to her. Marietta later explained her reasoning in the course of the same interview: “Together we were able to grieve as mothers who had lost their children. I hoped that it would help her to know that I had forgiven [her son], and that I understood how sick he was.”</div> <bR> <div> The interview concluded with a comment from Marietta that really made me think, “Forgiveness is hard work, and a lot of times people think that forgiveness is for wimps. I would say then that they haven't tried, because I know how difficult it is. But it's worth it, and it means being able to move on with your life, and it means being set free of the past.” Through her tragedy, Marietta had learned the true meaning of forgiveness, and what Jesus meant when He told us to love even our enemy.</div> <bR> <div> <B>What is forgiveness anyway?</B></div> <div> Many find it difficult to forgive because they don't quite understand what forgiveness really is. The moving example of Marietta already dispels some of the most common misconceptions about forgiveness. We learn that forgiving does not mean to condone or excuse an evil. Doing so could lead to a distortion of the truth. It is not forgetting, either, for that would have been unnatural. How could Marietta ever forget her own daughter and what happened to her? Lastly, forgiveness is not a feeling. When Marietta made a commitment to forgive the kidnapper of her daughter, her feelings were very hostile toward him. When Stephen asked God to forgive those who were killing him, he was not experiencing a warm, fuzzy feeling about them.</div> <bR> <div> So, what then is forgiveness? Forgiveness is a decision, much like the decision Marietta made, and a covenant which hinges on four promises: </div> <div> 1.     The promise not to continue to think about the offense in a recriminatory manner or in resentment.</div> <div> 2.     The promise not to bring up the matter again against the offender as in a vengeful attitude.</div> <div> 3.     The promise not to talk to others about the offense in an accusatory or resentful way.</div> <div> 4.     The commitment not to let the offense stand in the way of the relationship.</div> <div> It is essentially a refusal to give in to the temptation to respond to evil with evil, to take upon ourselves the right to avenge a wrong suffered (see also Deut 32:35; Rom 12:14-20).</div> <bR> <div> Another reason for the inability of many to forgive is that often we place very strict expectations as conditions for our forgiveness. In one way or another, we expect the offender to earn his own forgiveness before we can extend it. Let's reason for a moment, however. What if God had such expectations of us? Could we ever be forgiven? Of course the answer is not. </div> <bR> <div> Scripture reminds us that we should never take it upon ourselves to take revenge (Romans 12:19). Rather, we should be kind to one another, tender-hearted and forgiving (Ephesians 4:32). This means that forgiveness is not just an option for us, but it is our Christian duty. It starts in our thought processes (Phil. 4:8), and then it affects our words (Rom. 12:14) and actions (Rom. 12:20). In ultimate analysis, forgiveness is a decision we take and implement, a covenant motivated by the love of God and the example of Jesus and accompanied by thoughts, words and actions that are consistent with such a decision.</div> <bR> <div> <B>What about my feelings?</B></div> <div> Some at this point tend to think that because their feelings are not "in line" with such a decision, they are unable or incapable of forgiving. Others, feel that doing so without first having the feeling is hypocritical and insincere. Yet, if you stop and think about it, it is easy to realize that doing what is right even though we don't feel like it at the moment is not hypocrisy. If I have to get to work today, but don't feel like it, it is not hypocritical for me to go to work anyway. It is just the right thing to do. Of course, it would be hypocritical if I were to pretend that I really enjoyed going to work that day. Chances are that after a while I really don't mind being at work, even though at first I didn't "feel like it."  Similarly, none of us "feel" like forgiving someone who has deeply hurt us. We don't have wonderful feelings at that moment: we hurt, and that's just the way it is. </div> <bR> <div> Something wonderful happens when we stop feeding into the pain by an unforgiving attitude that keeps churning within us, as we cease to relive the painful experience and keep it alive in our memory. It is much like a wound that needs to heal. If we keep opening it up and keep it "alive" (like we do when we refuse to forgive) chances are that it will not heal, but will probably infect and worsen. On the other hand, if we take the dirt out (most often a painful but necessary procedure, just like forgiveness) and then cover it up with a clean dressing, the wound will heal sooner, better, and we will eventually experience relief. </div> <bR> <div> Forgiveness does not have to depend on feelings, but it will change the way we see things and experience them emotionally as well. It will never take away all the pain, perhaps, but it will take away the infecting elements of resentment, hatred, bitterness, vengeance and so on, and will make it bearable.</div> <bR> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP BGCOLOR=#BBBBBB HEIGHT= 20 WIDTH="598"><div> <B>For Further Study</B></div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 441 WIDTH="598"><div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.png" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Jesus set an example of forgiveness for us to follow: Luke 23:34; 1 Peter 2:21.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.png" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">It is commanded: Mark 11:25; Romans 12:9<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.png" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">It should be extended without limits: Matthew 18:22; Luke 17:4<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.png" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">It is a quality of believers: Psalm 7:4; Proverbs 19:11<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.png" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Reasons for extending forgiveness:</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.png" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">The mercy of God: Luke 6:36<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.png" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Our own need for forgiveness: Mark 11:25<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.png" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">God has extended great forgiveness to us, how can we not extend a little of it to others? Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.png" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Should be accompanied by:</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.png" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Forbearance: Colossians 3:13<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.png" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Kindness: Genesis 45:5-11; Romans 12:20<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.png" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Blessing and prayer: Matthew 5:44<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.png" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Promises for: Matthew 6:14; Luke 6:37<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.png" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Must be extended in order for it to be received: Matthew 6:15; James 2:13<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.png" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Illustrated in Jesus parables: Matthew 18:23-35<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.png" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Exemplified in the lives of:</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.png" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Joseph: Genesis 50:20-21<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.png" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">David: 1 Samuel 24:7; 2 Samuel 18:5; 19:23<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.png" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Solomon: 1 Kings 1:53<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.png" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Stephen: Acts 7:60<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.png" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Paul: 2 Timothy 4:16</div> <bR> <bR> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <div> Copyright © 2003 Living Hope Christian Fellowship  -  All Rights Reserved</div> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>